As a teen, I transferred those feelings of inadequacy to my relationships with guys.
I'd dump boyfriends quickly, scared that if I didn't, they'd beat me to it.
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There we stood, six feet from each other, but we said nothing. I dropped my shopping bags and ran behind a knitwear display before collapsing on the floor, nauseated. My parents divorced when I was 6, and after that, my father virtually vanished from my life.
When I was 12, he relinquished all parental rights so he wouldn't have to pay child support.
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When I got to college, my insecurities took on a more passive form: I'd stay with men who did drugs and cheated on me.
There was one nice guy in the mix: Russell, whom I met on spring break my senior year.
When I was 19 years old, I ran into my father in a London department store.