Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah? Q: What two things in the air can make a women pregnant? Q: What is the difference between a geneologist and a gynecologist? Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say fuck? A: Because they've got big mouths and little dicks. A: Because they don't have penises to keep them in. A: A microwave doesn't scream when you put a piece of meat in it. A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.A: A Genealogist looks up your family tree, whereas a Gynecologist looks up your family bush. A: Kermit the frog's finger Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A: Eve, because she made Adam's banana stand Q: Whats the difference between a hooker and a mosquito? Q: What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters? A: A submarine Q: Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks? Q: What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? A: She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles Q: How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? A: You push it to the side before you start eating. A: Getting off once isn't enough Q: How is a woman like a road? Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?
In second place was a legendary one-liner about a zoo with just one dog being a 'shitzu'.
Other jokes to make the top 20 include a string of brilliant one-liners - and digs at wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners.
A joke about a male bus passenger insulting a woman's ugly baby has been hailed in a survey as the funniest gag ever.
Researchers scoured the web and examined more than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 on which 36,000 people voted.
photo credit: Baylor Bear78 Bill’s second Anniversary was coming up and if there was one thing that got his wife Suzy upset, it was not getting a thoughtful gift on a special occasion. ” “Well” said Grandpa Joe after taking a deep puff on his cigar “it all started on the way home from our wedding, we hadn’t gone but a mile when the horse started giving us trouble I gave the horse a little whip and that’s when I heard your Grandma say in a low voice “that’s strike one.” A bit later the horse stopped again “that’s strike two” she said.
Bill quizzed all his friends, co workers, clients and anyone he happened to bump into, as to what would be a good anniversary present. Not willing to trust himself to pick out the right flowers, Bill called up a local flower shop with strict instructions to deliver the biggest most beautiful bouquet of flowers first thing in the morning with the following note “Happy Anniversary Year Number Two! ” John Sam and Abe, 3 retired friends,would get together every night, rain or shine, to play poker. The third time it stopped she grabbed my shotgun out of my holster and shot it in the head.
When suddenly out of nowhere a car pulled up next to his parked car and hit Dave. Luckily they let him out after 3 hours and he walked in the door to his house at 8 o’clock. She thought it was a dirty and low way to fill his time, but she had long ago resigned herself to her sorry fate, although inside of her, there was always a low flame on the back burner waiting to erupt.
John walks into his 5th floor apartment after a long day of work, he exhaustively sinks into his favorite arm chair, puts up his footrest, turns on the TV, and turns to his wife Hannah, “Honey, please get me a hard drink, I think it’s about to start.” Hannah rolls her eyes, heads to the kitchen, takes out a beer from the fridge, and brings it to John. That was the first question he asked me about you too! I’m only 40 years old but I look and feel like I’m over 55! One Wednesday night, after a few nights of boring games, something exciting happened.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party? Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? A: A Northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..." A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom? Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. A: A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up your bush. A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! A: "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" Q: What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
Apparently, joking about how bad marriage is helps ease some of the queasiness. ” said Harry raising his voice, “I’m the only one who knows that they are pinching my darn feet!!!